i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
