Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize