The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
