what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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