please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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