am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
