I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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