I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
