I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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