After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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