As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
