Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
