i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
