peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
