So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Randomize
