Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
