It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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