Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
