dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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