if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
