i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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