I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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