I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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