sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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