Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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