I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
