i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Randomize
