i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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