hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
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