It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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