Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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