You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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