No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
