I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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