Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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