Barsexuality is the new black.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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