i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
