making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
