She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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