and my herpes radar will keep us safe
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize