so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
