Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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