Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
