I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Randomize
