I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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