I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
