i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
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