Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
