I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
