dude i'm inner monologue high
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize
