She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
