he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize