Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
