Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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