You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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