hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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