I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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