I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
