I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
You know, be my cock's hype man.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
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