I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
