They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
