vagina is talking i cant
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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