they need to just BURY HIM!
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
