Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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