Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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