maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
